A truck driver is driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads “Low Bridge Ahead.” Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck, huh?”
The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”
Bargains at the Ricky's Pet Shop:
A hummingbird that knows the words
A bloodhound with hypoglycemia
A chameleon that's stuck on green
A depressed hyena
An absent-minded elephant
While creating men, God Promised women that a good and ideal man would be found in all corners of the world.
Then He made the earth round.
Genuine Excerpts from Letters Sent to Landlords...
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.
I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.
The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.
I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.
Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.
Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not fit to drink.
Would you please send a man to repair my down spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away.
Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.
When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy.
Jock had passed away and as usual the minister was reciting his history and attributes at his funeral.
"Jock was a great family man, always helping with the dish washing and housework, a model husband and father, never late out and has not allowed a drop of whisky to pass his lips"
His widow, squirming in her seat, could stand it no more, bent down and whispered to her son, "Jimmy, go on up and look in the coffin, I think we might be at the wrong funeral"
